Like i said above, i just remember. You have nothing to be ashamed of. It’s atypical but not “weird. On second thought, maybe just get a new dildo and take it outside or something. Aw, i hope you do! i’m positive he’d love seeing your way, especially since he already enjoys seeing you do yourself the other way.
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Instead of buying an expensive massage, you can just stay in and give yourself one. Get your bf to lie on top and penetrate from behind while you do this, and enjoy.